Back to where we started...

It has not been a good couple of weeks for me. I am used to a certain amount of pain/discomfort and generally I can handle it without too much trouble or moaning! However over the last few weeks, the pain has become much worse and much, much harder to tolerate until Tuesday night when I was literally on my hands and knees all night crying out. Not like me at all. It got to the point where I just felt I couldn't take it for a moment longer and so I took myself to casualty. Well, what an adventure that was! Seemed to me they didn't know their arse from there elbow. I was kept waiting for nearly 3 hours before I even got to see a doctora and in that time I was offered a paracetamol for the pain, hmm, if only I had thought of taking one of those, could have saved myself a journey!

Anyway, once I finally did get to see a doctor I think they did slowly start to register an understanding about my condition and things started to happen. I managed to get onto a morphine drip (yay!) hospital is always way more fun when you are on one of those babies lol. I was then thouroughly examined (in the way only a doctor can get away with) and was scanned, bloods taken etc. They couldn't find anything out of the ordinary for me but decided to get one of the consultants who knows me to come say Hi. This meant a long wait as he wasn't on shift until the afternoon but at least I was reassured I would be seeeing someone who knew what they were talking about.

Once I had been visited by the consultant I was sent home with an outpatients appointment for the Friday and a bag of drugs that would have been worth a small fortune in jail! Up to this point the dreaded chemo word had not been mentioned but somehow I knew it was coming. So friday came round and off I went to the hospital feeling very apprehensive. You must all know that feeling when you know what you are about to be told but you don't want to hear the words out loud. I swear I had to sit on my hands so as not to put them over my ears! So it turns out not only have the ascites got worse, my CA125 score has suddenly gone through the roof. this is a fair indication the cancer is active and there may well be something going on that is not showing up on the scans. So the big boss man feels it is time to get started on another chemo course, get things blasted before they get out of hand.

So thats me, off to see the oncologist next week to get a plan and then back into the awful cycle of chemo. I am so sad and dissapointed that I am here yet again such a short time after the last lot. Its about 10 months since I finished the last couse and about 7 months since my radio. No time at all really. Its not like during that time I have enjoyed the freedom of good health. Oh well, onwards and upwards.I can't change anything. The ony option I have is don't have the chemo and take my chances with a disease which by all accounts has been quite determined to get me. I think we all know how that would work out!!! So I will be a good girl and will put up and shut up. I am also gonna have to go back and get my abdomen drained and possibly a further proceedure to fix my ever growing mass of granulated scar tissue. Wow, life is full of fun treats!!!

hop along...

Hello folks, thanks for coming back to catch up with me. It has been ages since my last post, truth is I have not been in the right frame of mind to be writing about my feelings or about the happenings in this crazy life of mine. I have struggled over the last month or so to really see anything in a positive light and have found life a bit of a drag. However, I think I am starting to see the light and although nothing has actually really changed I am starting to feel more myself.

So last time I posted I was still waiting on my latest results and was starting to feel quite worked up about everything, patience has never been my strong point! Well the day finally came and I headed off to the hospital for my appointment with the big boss man. The news really was that there was no news! By this I mean nothing had changed, no growth or spread but no reduction either. According to the powers that be this is positive news. Now, I understand the theory behind this, it means that the drugs are keeping the cancer at bay to some degree. However, I find it difficult to walk around day in day out aware that there is cancer still in my body and that despite the drugs I am taking on a daily basis it hasn't gone anywhere. It feels to me like I am walking around with a ticking time bomb inside me and all I really want to do is cut it all out. I understand the rational facts but they don't always over ride the deep emotional reactions.

The last month I have had a couple of hospital admissions, I have had problems with my potassium levels and had to have this as an IV and my heart has been an ongoing concern. The blood transfusions are still a regular event and that doesn't seem like changing any time soon. It seems there are more and more bits of me starting to go wrong but I suppose that is understandable considering everything my body has coped with up til now.

On top of everything else the stooooopid horse took a big old leap in the air and landed nicely on top of my foot resultin in broken metatarsals 2,3 & 4!!! No plaster luckily just a weird 'air cast' boot which I am supposed to use fro walking (supposed to being the operative word!!!).

The Aspire channel swim is going well so far, I am nearly nine miles accross now out of a total of 22 miles. My best swim to date was 74 lengths so well over a mile, very happy with that :)

http://www.aspirechannelswim.co.uk/lucyfahy

Check it out!

Wally dog is totally awesome and is doing really well with his training. His repotoire now includes sit stay, down stay, both paws, roll over, splat, comando crawl, leave it and many more.... Such a genius puppy :)

 

 

 

So, next up is repeat scans in November... Hoping and praying for a change in the right direction. I need a break from the worry!

 Watch this space!!!