Rollercoaster ride....

Wow! This has been quite a roller coaster few days and I feel well and truely put through the spinner. As you all know from me banging on, chemo was Friday. It went smoothly enough, had the same nasty sensations as last time, the burning and the tingling etc. Just being there was traumatic this time as it was well and truely full of sick people. I know that sounds funny to say but sometimes you go and the people don't seem so ill, other times they seem like they are taking their last breath. This was one of those weeks and that always makes the whole experience much tougher as it is very difficult to reconcile needing to be in the same place and have the same treatments as those people. These are the days when I feel the fear. My bloods are all droping right down, they gave me a red cell transfusion and I looking at having platelets before my next dose. I have had a rough few days interms of aches and pains, night sweats, nausea, numb and tingly fingers, burning veins and general, overwhelming fatigue. I didn't move over the wk end as basically, I couldn't! I'm coping though and I can see the fog starting to lift so it is all good. My feeling of wellness have not been helped by having two sick kids to care for, one of whom  has a real talent for vomiting all over me. Not great when you are already nauseous!

                                                     My chemo, looks lovely right?!

                                                       My sisters new puppy Ashley


In other news I saw my old friend Adam, who happened to be my little girl sophies Dad in a nice family snap shot with his newborn baby. It surprised me how it took the wind out of me, of course there is no reason for me to imagine he wouldn't go on and have a family and be happy and really its great that he can. I just couldn't help feeling a little bit bitter towards his great big happy grin.... If that makes me a bad person, well so be it, sorry folks, turns out I am only human!

Then on Monday my step Dad (only bloke who really qualifies to be called my Dad) got carted off from work in an ambulance. After many tests, the MRI shows he has had a stroke. The doctors are not convinced that is the whole story and are still now running more and more tests. It seems he has been having fits and who knows what else is going on. So my poor Mum is run ragged trying to look after Evie and all the farm and on top of it an 8 week old puppy while trying to not lose her mind worrying about John and visiting him an hour away in Lincoln. It is so hard just watching from a distance and not being able to help in any real way. I am so scared about what might happen and so scared for Evie, she loves her Daddy and she needs him to be around for a lot longer.

So thats where I am now, back for check up tomorrow. I hope I can report happier events in my next instalment!

Oh yeah and I had some extra needles this week but more about that another time :)

Ready for round 2...

Its nearly that time again, these 3 weeks have flown by and now only 2 sleeps and its time for round two. Can't say I am looking forward to it, I'm just starting to feel a bit more human. I tell you it is bloody difficult to convince myself to go back each time, what I would do for this to be over! Mind you I nearly got my self out of it this week by attempting to burn my hand off lol! Got a hand full of steam blisters, the doctors weren't impressed when they realised my medical history, blood counts etc! Seems I am fine though and although they are bloody painful they are actuall going down really nicely thanks to the magic potion from the hospital. I have to apply it every 15 minutes and if I don't I can't bend my fingers!

Been feeling  miffed this week watching all the pictures and stories from home of people playing in the snow, all we get here is rain, rain and more rain. Evie has had a couple of snow days and revels in e-mailing me how 'orson' it is lol! I need a good sledging session in a winter wonderland to put a smile on my face and make me feel OK about being so bloody cold all the time!

So over the last three weeks I have had to go for weekly checks on my heart, kidneys etc, I go again tomorrow to make sure I am OK for the treatment to go ahead. Been getting terrible chest pains but I don't think it can be too much to worry about as they would have said. Probably just my poor old body protsting! My blood counts have been dropping and so I dread to think what they will be at tomorrow. Before this treatment started my Platelets were at 180, last week they were down to 60, I reckon I will be looking at platelet transfusions pretty soon and will definitely be due blood, not sure if they are doing that tomorrow. Hope so!

Anyways, just thought I would fill you all in quickly where I'm at. Will update post chemo.... Wish me luck!!!

Ding ding... Next round!

I last left you (on the edge of yor seats I am sure!) Having arrived in Ireland. I have now been here for nearly 7 weeks and have settled in rather well. My host family are lovely, the kids are (on the most part) sweet, my accomadation is great (I have my very own fire to play with!!!) and the people of Ireland really are warm and wonderful and helpful and hospitible. I really couldn't have asked for the move to go better. The icing on the cake is that I was eventually granted the magic little card that means my health care will be provided without any extra cost to me. In short, I can get what I need to stay alive, pretty big news!

Once I got the good news I was immediately given an appointment at my new hospital, a dedicated cancer center with all the trimmings. It really is a great place and provides everything I need to make my treatment run as smoothly and easily as possible. I met my new consultant (a woman this time) she is lovely, no nonsense and a leader in her field so I feel in good hands. New scans were taken, blood checked, transfusion given and they confirmed that there had been minimal growth of my cancer during the delay period so this was the news I was looking for, a bit of luck on my side, about time! So from this my regime was confirmed and the date set for the 4th of Jan, meaning I could enjoy the christmas period before getting started, much appreciated considering the amount of Champagne that was being thrown at me by my host family! I was apprehensive about spending christmas in Tipperary with the maternal grandparents but in the end it was fantast (very posh though!). They were very warm and welcoming and the kids gave my the guded tour of the grand mansion, I spent the 1st couple of hours with my mouth open in total awe but I soon got used to it and settled in, lovely :)

new year was amazing, having Adi to come stay was just what I needed as christmas had made me a little home sick so her visit sorted me right out. Dublin was great and it was the best new year I have had in years!

So that leads me to now. It is Wednesday, I had treatment on Friday, the treatment went well, no nasty reactions which are apparently common with this drug. It was pretty quick. Only an hour for the actual infusion so including bloods, flushes, anti-his etc I was there about 3.5 hours, beats 2 days for the last course!!! It is one of those drugs you can feel going ito your vein and you can feel its path around your body, if you haven't experienced this feeling then it would be difficult to imagine. I can only describe it like someone is pouring acid into your vein and as it mixes with the blood a flows around it gradually burns the inside of every part of your body, its not agony but its enough to make you screw up your face and make it difficult to concentrate on anything but the feeling! No sickness to start with just that familiar feeling of being hit by a truck....

Saturday and Sunday I was not too bad but beyond that the scratchy feeling under my skin as become quite difficult to take, I also have a painful tightness in my chest that feels very constrictive. The nausea is kicking in but not too much actual sickness. I have numb fingers and toes, my head is banging and I have cramping pains through my back and abdomen. The night sweats have started, making it hard to sleep, despite exreme tiredness and my wee has turned a very toxic looking bright orange. On the bright side, all these things are tolerable, I can cope with them and I can continue to work, for now. Luckily I can easily take it easy in my job :) If this is as bad as it is going to get, I will be fine.

I have to visit the clinic on Thursday for checks on my heart, liver and kidneys, all are damaged from previous treatments and all are at high risk of further damage this time so need to be closely monitored. I will also ask if there is anything they can give me to alleviate the desire to rip my skin off!!!

Anyway, so far, so good. One down, five to go, please, please, please make this the last, at least for a few years. I will go through anything if that can be the end result!