Rollercoaster ride....

Wow! This has been quite a roller coaster few days and I feel well and truely put through the spinner. As you all know from me banging on, chemo was Friday. It went smoothly enough, had the same nasty sensations as last time, the burning and the tingling etc. Just being there was traumatic this time as it was well and truely full of sick people. I know that sounds funny to say but sometimes you go and the people don't seem so ill, other times they seem like they are taking their last breath. This was one of those weeks and that always makes the whole experience much tougher as it is very difficult to reconcile needing to be in the same place and have the same treatments as those people. These are the days when I feel the fear. My bloods are all droping right down, they gave me a red cell transfusion and I looking at having platelets before my next dose. I have had a rough few days interms of aches and pains, night sweats, nausea, numb and tingly fingers, burning veins and general, overwhelming fatigue. I didn't move over the wk end as basically, I couldn't! I'm coping though and I can see the fog starting to lift so it is all good. My feeling of wellness have not been helped by having two sick kids to care for, one of whom  has a real talent for vomiting all over me. Not great when you are already nauseous!

                                                     My chemo, looks lovely right?!

                                                       My sisters new puppy Ashley


In other news I saw my old friend Adam, who happened to be my little girl sophies Dad in a nice family snap shot with his newborn baby. It surprised me how it took the wind out of me, of course there is no reason for me to imagine he wouldn't go on and have a family and be happy and really its great that he can. I just couldn't help feeling a little bit bitter towards his great big happy grin.... If that makes me a bad person, well so be it, sorry folks, turns out I am only human!

Then on Monday my step Dad (only bloke who really qualifies to be called my Dad) got carted off from work in an ambulance. After many tests, the MRI shows he has had a stroke. The doctors are not convinced that is the whole story and are still now running more and more tests. It seems he has been having fits and who knows what else is going on. So my poor Mum is run ragged trying to look after Evie and all the farm and on top of it an 8 week old puppy while trying to not lose her mind worrying about John and visiting him an hour away in Lincoln. It is so hard just watching from a distance and not being able to help in any real way. I am so scared about what might happen and so scared for Evie, she loves her Daddy and she needs him to be around for a lot longer.

So thats where I am now, back for check up tomorrow. I hope I can report happier events in my next instalment!

Oh yeah and I had some extra needles this week but more about that another time :)