Right, I know I promised a more positive blog this time, however I feel like all the positivity has been sucked out of me, leaving just a deflated, tired, sad feeling in its place.
I had round 3 yesterday, the halfway point. I have to say it feels like this is lasting forever and it certainly is not getting easier. I don't thing chemo has ever left me as tired as this one and the aches and pains are about as much as I can tolerate without losing my mind. These seem to be getting worse as I get further through the course but that is to be expected as the toxins build up. Hopefully this means that it is doing its job, I like to think that the worse I feel, the better it is killing the cancer! Yesterday went smoothly enough, my bloods have been taking a battering, my HB is back down at 8 and my platelets 20, neuts 0.9. I am going in for blood and platelets in a few days. I have taken a few days off this week as I am not feeling strong enough to cope with the kids so it is a hot date with my sofa and the dvd player for me! My kidney function tests are coming back with some worrying results so they are keeping a close eye on that, the last think I want after this is to be on dialysis.
This round was made worse I think by the fact it had been a fairly stressful couple of weeks inbetween. Mum and Evie came out for a holiday which we had all been looking forward too, Mum especially as she was in desperate need of a break from the stresses of John being ill and all the other implications that come along with that such as what will happen to the business, the house etc. Anyway, after much consideration and arranging an army of people to keep an eye on John (he had the neighbour cooking his meals, someone doing the chickens, someone else doing the ponies and an around the clock rota of kind people calling in with treats, newspapers and company) they arrive Saturday evening, it was so lovely to see them and a hug from Evie was just the best thing ever! Sunday morning we drove over to Galway and spent a lovely day looking around the city, stresses were put to one side by all and we had a truely lovely day. That evening when we arrived back at the B&B we got a message, an ambulace had been called and John was away back to hospital. So that was that, we headed straight back to my house and arrangements were made made for Mum to travel home. It was decided Evie would stay with me as it was going to be tough for Mum to take care of her and deal with John so I then flew home with Evie on Saturday and came back to Ireland Sunday night. It was a flying visit but it was lovely to see John, a bit of a shock to see him so unwell though, he seemed 20 years older than when I left 3 months ago.So after a delayed flight I finally got home at 2am Monday morning so was not really in a fit state to cope with chemo, but hey ho, it had to be done so it was done!
Today is Tuesday and I have just had a message from Mum that she has had to call and ambulance yet again this morning, so he has had 3 strokes in 3 weeks and this is potentially a 4th. So far they have been minor enough that he has been able to recover his motor skills and most of the cognitive ones but it is terrifieing to think that this could change at anytime. One day one of these will be more serious. So here we are, back to worrying and hoping that all will be OK.
I really think my family deserve a bit of good luck for a change, hopefully that will come soon. I have scans next week to see how this chemo is going, hoping for some good news there because I tell you now, I can't keep going through this. Until next time...... Hopefully I will be bringing lots of good news...
No comments:
Post a Comment