The waiting game

I haven't written in my Blog for ages, for one I haven't felt inspired and for two I was hoping to be able to report good news in my next posting. Trouble is I have had to wait ages for theis next set of results. I went about 3 weeks back and had all me repeat scans and a repeat colonoscopy done but due to me being away etc I have not yet had the results. The colonoscopy was a joy, as ever. I swear these doctors have not noted the one way sign at that particular entrance! At least this time I feel I was properly sedated and I remember very little about what happened. I remember being picked up and vague flashes of discomfort etc but no where near as much detail as last time. This time it was tough though because everyone was away so  when I got home I still had the ponies to muck out and feed etc, all the watering to do, the chickens to sort out and hardest of all the puppy to entertain. Plus having not eaten for 24hrs I needed food but was so tired cooking was the last thing I wanted to do! Unfortunately, being coeliac, takeaway is no longer a realistic option so I just had to take a deep breath and get on with it.So I did and it was fine but I have to admit to having a little cry that night, mainly through discomfort, exhaustion and frustration. Don't worry, it was only a little tear and the X-Factor soon sorted me out lol!

The thing now is, the longer I wait, the less I want to hear what they have to say! The whole thing has started to grow legs in my head and I now feel like it is going to be bad news. If it is bad news, I really don't want to hear it, I'm happy in my little bubble and don't wish to have it burst! I have a new job which I am terrorfied I will lose if I end up on treatment again. Plus, I don't think I can take any more emotionally. I am done with this roller coaster, I want to get off and that is that! Anyway, doesn't really matter what I want, it aint up to me at the end of the day so I guess I will just have to suck it up and get on with it, as ever!

Next week I get a blood test re:coeliac and if it comes back negative then I can start re-introducing oats to my diet, very excited about this as porridge season is nearly upon us!

My Aspire channel swim starts next week and I have done 0 training, I did one swim several weeks ago and nothing since, haven't even been in the gym. I have just been feeling so tired, can't seem to get going but have decided tonight is the night and am heading back to the gym to see what I can do. I really need my old gym buddies back to help motivate me. It is so hard when you have to do it on your own! Oh well, all that swimming will soon start upping my fitness again. Just need to find my mojo....

Wally has settled in really well, he is the best puppy ever (OK so I am biased but he is pretty well behaved!). He is getting so big now, in fact, in 4 weeks he doubled in weight! It is so lovely having him and we had a great time on our little jaunt to the Lakes and Scotland. Was also nice to catch up with lots of friends, we had a really lovely week away. Good times!

Right, well Friday is the day so I will update you in due course. Hopefully I will be able to come back and say I am cancer free. Wouldn't that be nice?!