The wrong direction down a one way street...

Just like all nasty things in life,  ‘prep’ day came along quick as a flash. Of course being the organised person I am I had not yet filled my prescription, not thinking that it is not an item likely to be kept in stock in any of the back of beyond pharmacies in the middle of nowhere I now call home. So I started the day with a nice relaxing ride (I wish!) this turned out to be a mammoth fight about going past the pig farm which ended with both me and her at the bottom of a pig shit filled ditch, great start to the day! After this little bit of excitement of I went to fill my prescription, 4 towns and 6 pharmacies later I was home and armed with the required drugs and trying to convince myself to actually swallow the first dose. Turns out I need not have worried, the lack of food available to me on the train home from Scotland the previous day combined with the avoidance of food on that day meant that there was very little action to be had! So other than extreme nausea and a banging head ache combined with some tummy cramps things were not too bad J So I had myself an early night in anticipation of the next dose to be taken at 5am, I can tell you getting up at 5am to take something that tastes that bad is really not an easy task! Anyway, 5.15am, dose swallowed and things are starting to happen. The next 3 hours I will spare you the details of but let’s just say I didn’t stray too far from the bathroom!!!

So 09.30 and its time to head off for my 10.15 appointment, sat in the waiting room surrounded by old folk, I had one of those ‘why me moments’ I must have been a good 30 years younger than anyone else in there and really that is the story of my life lately, experiencing time and time again things that should be saved for my twightlight years, if ever. After a not long enough wait I was called through for my turn, admission paperwork completed, obs done, gown changed into and cannula inserted I suddenly found myself on the table, knees tucked up to chest and with some bloke whose first name I didn’t even know shoving something rather large where the sun doesn’t shine. Straight in my eye line was a big screen showing in great detail my colon in all its glory! Now at this point I will say I had signed up for the sedation and indeed they did put something through the cannula, however I felt now signs of sedation. I remember the whole procedure very clearly and certainly remember the discomfort of every bend and turn made by the camera, sedation my a*#!....

I did have some concerns that the prep had not done its job properly as there was such a delayed start to the action but luckily I was proven wrong and the ‘corridors were clear’ lol! Apart that is, from one rogue pea, it looked giant on screen and caused untold issues as the suction devise failed to shift said pea and the machine chose that moment, half way up my colon, to break down, who else but me could be that lucky??! All that was needed though was a simple valve replacement to fix the issue, if only someone knew where said valve was kept…  ! 1st one, then a 2^nd nurse scurried off on a hunt and I lay there patiently in my compromising position until they eventually returned, equipment was repaired and the grand tour could continue. The procedure was due to take about half an hour; I ended up in there for an hour and 40 mins! Bits were removed, biopsies were taken and bleeding was treated and by the end I was sweating so badly from the pain I thought I must be having the procedure done in a sauna, I say again, sedation my a*#!!!! They say you can stop at any time, but there is no way you would do that as it would mean you have to go through the whole thing again, not a chance!  

Eventually the adventure was over and I was wheeled off to recovery, I was advised of my potential wooziness, I was not woozy, I was straight up on my feet and asking for a cuppa, followed shortly by the nurse barking for me to get back into bed and recover first…. I was bloody recovered!!! Anyway, after their set out time frame I was allowed to get up and have a cup of tea and the lovely other nurse (the one that doesn’t bark) brought me tea and biscuits, such a lovely thought but so cruel to a coeliac who has been on starvation for 26 hours and can only sit and look at the delicious biscuits L

So, it was at this point I was expecting to be told I could get dressed and they would call my Mum however that is not what happened, instead I was asked to wait as the doctor would like to speak to me  and they continued to withhold my clothes and left me cannulated, never, ever a good sign! Eventually the twitchy doctor with the progressive stutter and a penchant for sticking things in my every orifice showed up and started his speech with Miss Fahy; we need to talk about your irregular heart beat…. Urgh, here we go…

….to be continued!!!