It has not been a good couple of weeks for me. I am used to a certain amount of pain/discomfort and generally I can handle it without too much trouble or moaning! However over the last few weeks, the pain has become much worse and much, much harder to tolerate until Tuesday night when I was literally on my hands and knees all night crying out. Not like me at all. It got to the point where I just felt I couldn't take it for a moment longer and so I took myself to casualty. Well, what an adventure that was! Seemed to me they didn't know their arse from there elbow. I was kept waiting for nearly 3 hours before I even got to see a doctora and in that time I was offered a paracetamol for the pain, hmm, if only I had thought of taking one of those, could have saved myself a journey!
Anyway, once I finally did get to see a doctor I think they did slowly start to register an understanding about my condition and things started to happen. I managed to get onto a morphine drip (yay!) hospital is always way more fun when you are on one of those babies lol. I was then thouroughly examined (in the way only a doctor can get away with) and was scanned, bloods taken etc. They couldn't find anything out of the ordinary for me but decided to get one of the consultants who knows me to come say Hi. This meant a long wait as he wasn't on shift until the afternoon but at least I was reassured I would be seeeing someone who knew what they were talking about.
Once I had been visited by the consultant I was sent home with an outpatients appointment for the Friday and a bag of drugs that would have been worth a small fortune in jail! Up to this point the dreaded chemo word had not been mentioned but somehow I knew it was coming. So friday came round and off I went to the hospital feeling very apprehensive. You must all know that feeling when you know what you are about to be told but you don't want to hear the words out loud. I swear I had to sit on my hands so as not to put them over my ears! So it turns out not only have the ascites got worse, my CA125 score has suddenly gone through the roof. this is a fair indication the cancer is active and there may well be something going on that is not showing up on the scans. So the big boss man feels it is time to get started on another chemo course, get things blasted before they get out of hand.
So thats me, off to see the oncologist next week to get a plan and then back into the awful cycle of chemo. I am so sad and dissapointed that I am here yet again such a short time after the last lot. Its about 10 months since I finished the last couse and about 7 months since my radio. No time at all really. Its not like during that time I have enjoyed the freedom of good health. Oh well, onwards and upwards.I can't change anything. The ony option I have is don't have the chemo and take my chances with a disease which by all accounts has been quite determined to get me. I think we all know how that would work out!!! So I will be a good girl and will put up and shut up. I am also gonna have to go back and get my abdomen drained and possibly a further proceedure to fix my ever growing mass of granulated scar tissue. Wow, life is full of fun treats!!!
Friday, 26 October 2012
Monday, 15 October 2012
hop along...
Hello folks, thanks for coming back to catch up with me. It has been ages since my last post, truth is I have not been in the right frame of mind to be writing about my feelings or about the happenings in this crazy life of mine. I have struggled over the last month or so to really see anything in a positive light and have found life a bit of a drag. However, I think I am starting to see the light and although nothing has actually really changed I am starting to feel more myself.
So last time I posted I was still waiting on my latest results and was starting to feel quite worked up about everything, patience has never been my strong point! Well the day finally came and I headed off to the hospital for my appointment with the big boss man. The news really was that there was no news! By this I mean nothing had changed, no growth or spread but no reduction either. According to the powers that be this is positive news. Now, I understand the theory behind this, it means that the drugs are keeping the cancer at bay to some degree. However, I find it difficult to walk around day in day out aware that there is cancer still in my body and that despite the drugs I am taking on a daily basis it hasn't gone anywhere. It feels to me like I am walking around with a ticking time bomb inside me and all I really want to do is cut it all out. I understand the rational facts but they don't always over ride the deep emotional reactions.
The last month I have had a couple of hospital admissions, I have had problems with my potassium levels and had to have this as an IV and my heart has been an ongoing concern. The blood transfusions are still a regular event and that doesn't seem like changing any time soon. It seems there are more and more bits of me starting to go wrong but I suppose that is understandable considering everything my body has coped with up til now.
On top of everything else the stooooopid horse took a big old leap in the air and landed nicely on top of my foot resultin in broken metatarsals 2,3 & 4!!! No plaster luckily just a weird 'air cast' boot which I am supposed to use fro walking (supposed to being the operative word!!!).
The Aspire channel swim is going well so far, I am nearly nine miles accross now out of a total of 22 miles. My best swim to date was 74 lengths so well over a mile, very happy with that :)
http://www.aspirechannelswim.co.uk/lucyfahy
Check it out!
Wally dog is totally awesome and is doing really well with his training. His repotoire now includes sit stay, down stay, both paws, roll over, splat, comando crawl, leave it and many more.... Such a genius puppy :)
So last time I posted I was still waiting on my latest results and was starting to feel quite worked up about everything, patience has never been my strong point! Well the day finally came and I headed off to the hospital for my appointment with the big boss man. The news really was that there was no news! By this I mean nothing had changed, no growth or spread but no reduction either. According to the powers that be this is positive news. Now, I understand the theory behind this, it means that the drugs are keeping the cancer at bay to some degree. However, I find it difficult to walk around day in day out aware that there is cancer still in my body and that despite the drugs I am taking on a daily basis it hasn't gone anywhere. It feels to me like I am walking around with a ticking time bomb inside me and all I really want to do is cut it all out. I understand the rational facts but they don't always over ride the deep emotional reactions.
The last month I have had a couple of hospital admissions, I have had problems with my potassium levels and had to have this as an IV and my heart has been an ongoing concern. The blood transfusions are still a regular event and that doesn't seem like changing any time soon. It seems there are more and more bits of me starting to go wrong but I suppose that is understandable considering everything my body has coped with up til now.
On top of everything else the stooooopid horse took a big old leap in the air and landed nicely on top of my foot resultin in broken metatarsals 2,3 & 4!!! No plaster luckily just a weird 'air cast' boot which I am supposed to use fro walking (supposed to being the operative word!!!).
The Aspire channel swim is going well so far, I am nearly nine miles accross now out of a total of 22 miles. My best swim to date was 74 lengths so well over a mile, very happy with that :)
http://www.aspirechannelswim.co.uk/lucyfahy
Check it out!
Wally dog is totally awesome and is doing really well with his training. His repotoire now includes sit stay, down stay, both paws, roll over, splat, comando crawl, leave it and many more.... Such a genius puppy :)
So, next up is repeat scans in November... Hoping and praying for a change in the right direction. I need a break from the worry!
Watch this space!!!
Thursday, 6 September 2012
The waiting game
I haven't written in my Blog for ages, for one I haven't felt inspired and for two I was hoping to be able to report good news in my next posting. Trouble is I have had to wait ages for theis next set of results. I went about 3 weeks back and had all me repeat scans and a repeat colonoscopy done but due to me being away etc I have not yet had the results. The colonoscopy was a joy, as ever. I swear these doctors have not noted the one way sign at that particular entrance! At least this time I feel I was properly sedated and I remember very little about what happened. I remember being picked up and vague flashes of discomfort etc but no where near as much detail as last time. This time it was tough though because everyone was away so when I got home I still had the ponies to muck out and feed etc, all the watering to do, the chickens to sort out and hardest of all the puppy to entertain. Plus having not eaten for 24hrs I needed food but was so tired cooking was the last thing I wanted to do! Unfortunately, being coeliac, takeaway is no longer a realistic option so I just had to take a deep breath and get on with it.So I did and it was fine but I have to admit to having a little cry that night, mainly through discomfort, exhaustion and frustration. Don't worry, it was only a little tear and the X-Factor soon sorted me out lol!
The thing now is, the longer I wait, the less I want to hear what they have to say! The whole thing has started to grow legs in my head and I now feel like it is going to be bad news. If it is bad news, I really don't want to hear it, I'm happy in my little bubble and don't wish to have it burst! I have a new job which I am terrorfied I will lose if I end up on treatment again. Plus, I don't think I can take any more emotionally. I am done with this roller coaster, I want to get off and that is that! Anyway, doesn't really matter what I want, it aint up to me at the end of the day so I guess I will just have to suck it up and get on with it, as ever!
Next week I get a blood test re:coeliac and if it comes back negative then I can start re-introducing oats to my diet, very excited about this as porridge season is nearly upon us!
My Aspire channel swim starts next week and I have done 0 training, I did one swim several weeks ago and nothing since, haven't even been in the gym. I have just been feeling so tired, can't seem to get going but have decided tonight is the night and am heading back to the gym to see what I can do. I really need my old gym buddies back to help motivate me. It is so hard when you have to do it on your own! Oh well, all that swimming will soon start upping my fitness again. Just need to find my mojo....
Wally has settled in really well, he is the best puppy ever (OK so I am biased but he is pretty well behaved!). He is getting so big now, in fact, in 4 weeks he doubled in weight! It is so lovely having him and we had a great time on our little jaunt to the Lakes and Scotland. Was also nice to catch up with lots of friends, we had a really lovely week away. Good times!
Right, well Friday is the day so I will update you in due course. Hopefully I will be able to come back and say I am cancer free. Wouldn't that be nice?!
The thing now is, the longer I wait, the less I want to hear what they have to say! The whole thing has started to grow legs in my head and I now feel like it is going to be bad news. If it is bad news, I really don't want to hear it, I'm happy in my little bubble and don't wish to have it burst! I have a new job which I am terrorfied I will lose if I end up on treatment again. Plus, I don't think I can take any more emotionally. I am done with this roller coaster, I want to get off and that is that! Anyway, doesn't really matter what I want, it aint up to me at the end of the day so I guess I will just have to suck it up and get on with it, as ever!
Next week I get a blood test re:coeliac and if it comes back negative then I can start re-introducing oats to my diet, very excited about this as porridge season is nearly upon us!
My Aspire channel swim starts next week and I have done 0 training, I did one swim several weeks ago and nothing since, haven't even been in the gym. I have just been feeling so tired, can't seem to get going but have decided tonight is the night and am heading back to the gym to see what I can do. I really need my old gym buddies back to help motivate me. It is so hard when you have to do it on your own! Oh well, all that swimming will soon start upping my fitness again. Just need to find my mojo....
Wally has settled in really well, he is the best puppy ever (OK so I am biased but he is pretty well behaved!). He is getting so big now, in fact, in 4 weeks he doubled in weight! It is so lovely having him and we had a great time on our little jaunt to the Lakes and Scotland. Was also nice to catch up with lots of friends, we had a really lovely week away. Good times!
Right, well Friday is the day so I will update you in due course. Hopefully I will be able to come back and say I am cancer free. Wouldn't that be nice?!
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
Blue lights and chest drains...
Drama, drama, drama, I wouldn't be me if there wasn't a bit of drama to report. Since my last post I have been to that place I call my 2nd home, the hospital. I had been struggling with a chest infection for a week or so but being the stubborn idiot that I am, I refused to go to the doctor as I didn't want to end up being kept in. So anyway, one evening I became quite unwell, was unable to breath and eventually collapsed in a heap and needed an ambulance. So I was rushed of to the hospital, prodded and poked, x-rayed and scanned. Bodily fluids of several guises were extracted and eventually I was told I had Pneumonia and a pleural effusion in the lung that has not been treated in the past. When I decided to have just the one lung done before, I should have known this would happen! Anyway, once they stabilised me the treatment was simple enough, antibiotics and a chest drain. The chest drain is not the most comfortable proceedure in the world but I have had worse. The worst part is being stuck in the bed while it is done, my drain was in for about 24hrs so I had to be catheterised which is always pleasant!!! Anyway, once I was drained and my temp was stable I was out pretty quickly, just had to return daily for the next 7 days for IV antibiotics. A small price to pay for release! So here I am with the decision of whether to get this lung done with the powder to prevent future attacks. I don't particuarly want to go through that proceedure again but equally the last thing I want is a repeat of the pleural effusion which is more than likely to happen without the treatment :(
Anyway, I went back to see the consultant on Monday and my chest is perfect (his words, not mine!). My stitch has healed nicely nad he has given me the go ahead for some light excercise. No running or anything crazy like that but I am allowed to get in the pool and get swimming (gently!) As if I can swim any other way! So this leads me to my next challenge. I have signed up for a swim the channel event, don't worry, I don't have to swim the ACTUAL channel, just the distance of 22miles in 12 weeks, easy right? Shame I am such a rubbish swimmer! It is a charity event though and so will be worth the 90 odd lengths a week. It is for a charity called Aspire who help people with spinal injuries. Having been there mself and being lucky enough to have recovered fully from my injury it is special to me to be able to raise money for such a great cause. Even better I have managed to recruit quite a few unsuspecting friends :)
In other news, poor old Widget died in her sleep yesterday, she was 16 years old and had a great life, she was an amazing dog and we will miss her greatly. RIP upside down dog xxx
Anyway, I went back to see the consultant on Monday and my chest is perfect (his words, not mine!). My stitch has healed nicely nad he has given me the go ahead for some light excercise. No running or anything crazy like that but I am allowed to get in the pool and get swimming (gently!) As if I can swim any other way! So this leads me to my next challenge. I have signed up for a swim the channel event, don't worry, I don't have to swim the ACTUAL channel, just the distance of 22miles in 12 weeks, easy right? Shame I am such a rubbish swimmer! It is a charity event though and so will be worth the 90 odd lengths a week. It is for a charity called Aspire who help people with spinal injuries. Having been there mself and being lucky enough to have recovered fully from my injury it is special to me to be able to raise money for such a great cause. Even better I have managed to recruit quite a few unsuspecting friends :)
In other news, poor old Widget died in her sleep yesterday, she was 16 years old and had a great life, she was an amazing dog and we will miss her greatly. RIP upside down dog xxx
I have been asked by someone to add the above link to try and help boost awareness of ovarian cancer. I hope you can take the time to have a read. Thanks.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
The big meeting
Now, where did I get to? It has been a while. I think I have been for my 'big meeting' since I last wrote in here. I was dreading this meeting as I knew deep down what they were going to tell me. I had been hoping and praying that my blood test was innacurate and that the scans would be completely clear, unfortunately this wasn't to be and scans revealed small areas of mestatic ovarian cancer in my bowel and ascites in my abdomen. I felt sure this would mean straight back on the chemo but in fact the big bosses believe a conservative approach is appropriate at this time. They say the tumours are probably slow growing and that they should, in theory, be responsive to the Tamoxifen so we should wait and see. the ascites may well need to be drained, we are to see how I get on and how much pain I get to see what course of action we take. At present the pain is bearable so I'm just going with it.
In theory I was happy with this plan of action, of course I have no desire to be back on a chemo regime. However, I sometimes find it difficult to fully relax with the knowledge I have cancer cells just happily doing as they please inside me and I don't feel like I am doing very much to stop them! It is like they are having a little party all of there own and it makes me feel out of control of my body and I really don't like that feeling. The plan is to re-scan in August and see what has happened, if the tumours have spread or grown then it will be time to think about chemo. If they have stayed the same or got smaller then we know they are responding to the Tamoxifen and we continue with the conservative approach.
Well, they don't look much but these little feckers are charged with saving my life!
So this is my life now, constant back and forth, logistical battles against the enemy which is cancer. Of course so far I have won every time (good thing as I hate to lose!) It does get tiresome though and I would love to not have to worry about it for a while. Also, if this continues to be active, there is no way I am going to get anywhere job wise or training wise. I would really quite like my life back at some point. I wish now that I had valued my good health in the past and not abused my body in the ways that I did. What an idiot! So much wasted time. Oh well, can't change so just have to accept it, right?!
In terms of my anaemia, not much has changed, transfusions are still regular and that doesn't look like changing anytime soon. The Tamoxifen seems to be battering my blood, I guess my body has been through so much it is now quite easily affected. This is another one of those things that I just have to accept.
In good news Wally is 6 weeks old now and is a very confident, happy, lively boy. I can't wait to bring him home in 2 weeks time :)
Wally @ 6 weeks
Also, the sun is out so I really do feel soooooooo much better, physically and mentally. I think I was suffering from that seasonal affective disorder, in July! Life seems so much easier when the sun is shining....
In theory I was happy with this plan of action, of course I have no desire to be back on a chemo regime. However, I sometimes find it difficult to fully relax with the knowledge I have cancer cells just happily doing as they please inside me and I don't feel like I am doing very much to stop them! It is like they are having a little party all of there own and it makes me feel out of control of my body and I really don't like that feeling. The plan is to re-scan in August and see what has happened, if the tumours have spread or grown then it will be time to think about chemo. If they have stayed the same or got smaller then we know they are responding to the Tamoxifen and we continue with the conservative approach.
So this is my life now, constant back and forth, logistical battles against the enemy which is cancer. Of course so far I have won every time (good thing as I hate to lose!) It does get tiresome though and I would love to not have to worry about it for a while. Also, if this continues to be active, there is no way I am going to get anywhere job wise or training wise. I would really quite like my life back at some point. I wish now that I had valued my good health in the past and not abused my body in the ways that I did. What an idiot! So much wasted time. Oh well, can't change so just have to accept it, right?!
In terms of my anaemia, not much has changed, transfusions are still regular and that doesn't look like changing anytime soon. The Tamoxifen seems to be battering my blood, I guess my body has been through so much it is now quite easily affected. This is another one of those things that I just have to accept.
In good news Wally is 6 weeks old now and is a very confident, happy, lively boy. I can't wait to bring him home in 2 weeks time :)
Also, the sun is out so I really do feel soooooooo much better, physically and mentally. I think I was suffering from that seasonal affective disorder, in July! Life seems so much easier when the sun is shining....
Friday, 6 July 2012
mud, mud, hills and more mud....
So, last Saturday was the big day. After the event was cancelled back in April when storm force wind and torrential rains were bringing down trees and our little tent was floating away I think I had secretly convinced myself it would never actually happen! I was wrong! Last Saturday I was up at the crack of dawn loading the horse box full of everything we needed plus quite a lot more... Why not we had space! Then off I went (after a 20min lecture from the step dad that is on what I should and should not do with the horse box!) to collect Laura. The drive went smoothly and I collected Laura and we made it down to Eastnor in good time. Before we headed off to set up camp we decided to stop and treat ouselves to a big lump of steak in preperation for what lay ahead.
Check out how pale!
Once we had stocked up on some energy and iron we headed off to the beautiful Eastnor castle which was to be the scene of the crime. We were met by a very muddy hill and the prospect of getting the lorry up it in order to camp so it was a foot down and hope moment, anyway, we made it and had set up home and got the kettle on within a couple of minutes, I like this camping in a lorry business!
Home for the night :)
We had the afternoon to sit and enjoy the unexpected appearance of the sun, by this point however the situation had become real, the nerves were starting to kick in and there was a party of butterflies going on inside my tummy, I tried to just kick back and take in the surroundings and indulge in a bit of people watching though.
Soon enough it was time to get ready and head over to the start, at this point we met up with some old timers who were coming down to race, in fact these are the people I hold responsible for talking me into such a crazy thing! So we headed over together, dropped off our change of clothes and got tattooed up. The atmosphere in the race village was fantastic and there were so many people around, all different types of people but all of them clearly up for a laugh and to test their bodies. There were a lot of people dressed up in various fancy dress outfits, probably also running for a charity and despite the churning nerves I started to feel happy to be there and be a part of it.
Before the start...
Waiting at the start line with the others
when it came to starting the race we decided to go fairly early on as we knew we would be slower than most and it would be demoralising to end up last on the course so we headed off in the 2nd wave. The 1st few hundred meters lull you in to a false sense of 'oh, this is ok' and we set off at a happy (downhill) run. Then, straight away you are faced with the 1st hill, it is a never ending up, up, up and it was so hard. I felt my lungs would explode. no matter how deeply I breathed the oxygen would not get into my body, this is one of the problems with being anaemic, the body cannot meet the oxygen demands and I felt this straight away. Once we had made it to the top there was a fairly flat but boggy section and some down hill mud through the trees up until the 1st hurdle which we knew must be the 1km mark. At this point I was in so much pain and felt so ill I really didn't think I could carry on and I said to Laura I wouldn't be able to do the whole thing. She of course told me not to be so stupid and of course I could do it so that was that, we were in it for the long haul!
Knackered!!!
By the end of the 1st km the mud really had not been too bad and I was beginning to think that people had over dramatised the extent of the mud, I was wrong! OMG! At times it was up to my waist, I never knew there were so many different types of mud. Thick mud, thin mud, sloppy mud, sticky mud. We had to run through it, jump in it, climb out of it and commando crawl through it, it was AWESOME! I actually longed for the sight of each mud pit because I knew that where there was a mud pit, there was not a hill, brilliant lol!
Loving it!!!
The pain in my lungs continued and my body ached and a new, unidentified pain kicked in but I no longer wanted to quit, I had got into the zone and there was nothing going to stop me from finishing that race. By the time we hit 5km I felt I had got into a flow and had recovered my sense of humour and was starting to enjoy my self. I found the obstacles were a good bit of added fun and were good for counting off the distance as I knew there were 10 of them so each one done brought me closer to the end. When it came to the monkey bars I didn't even bother trying, there was an alternative cargo net next to it so I did that instead and when it came to the wall, it was a no go. This was in the last km and my legs were just jelly by then, but I don't mind, there is no shame in giving it a go and not making it! As for the lakes, they were lovely, we had to swim through 2 lakes and it was a good chance to get cleaned up! I was a little concerned by how warm they were and would rather not think about the reasons for this as it certainly wasn't from the sun!!! The muddy bank was a lot of fun and a lot easier than it looked but the finishing straight was horrific, it was up hill all the way to the finish line, what a depressing sight! Just as I approached the finish line my friend Clare came running up and was shouting encouragement which was lovely, she had clearly finished some time earlier as she was already dressed and clean!
As I finished I caught a glimpse of the timer and was gutted to see it said 3hrs 45 mins, I couldn't believe it had taken that long and felt rubbish about it. What I hadn't realised was that the timer had run through the junior race before us and not been reset to zero. Phew! It turned out or time was 2hrs38, well under the 3 hour goal I had set my self and I later learned we were not last and that the last person was 48mins slower so I was pretty happy with that :)
The end!
I can't describe to you how I felt at the end, either physically or emotionally. I was so happy and felt it was a little personal victory, I didn't cry but only because I wasn't physically capable. I had nothing left! Straight after the race the shakes started and I felt very wobbly and sick. In our goody bags we ere provided with Mars bars but of course being coeliac I couldn't eat mine. By the time I made it back to camp I felt to sick to eat. I was frozen so we made a cuppa and got into bed for a while, I couldn't seem to get rid of the shakes but couldn't manage to eat either.
Anyway, despite feeling a bit rough we decided we didn't want to miss the evenings entertainment so we took our drinks and headed over to the race village to enjoy the party and listen to the band. When we were there we met some boys and hung out with them for the evening. I only managed one cider though, I think anymore would have finished me off!
The next morning we had a bbq breakfast, packed up camp and took our aching bodies away home, smiling that we had decided not to do the race on the Sunday too!!!
This experience perhaps doesn't sound much to most people but to me it has affirmed that I do have fight left in me, I do have the strength of character to over come and that I can achieve, all I have to do is put my mind to it.This race took place 2 weeks short of the 1 year anniversary of my broken back and pelvis, I reckon I have done pretty well to be at the point where I could complete this race. Just shows, it is incredible what the body can bounce back from. I feel proud of myself and that is not something I have often felt. I also feel grateful, I may have had a lot thrown at me and the world has tried to finish me off on many occasions but I'm still here! The Sunday was my little girls birthday, I think she would have been proud of her mummy too.
Once we had stocked up on some energy and iron we headed off to the beautiful Eastnor castle which was to be the scene of the crime. We were met by a very muddy hill and the prospect of getting the lorry up it in order to camp so it was a foot down and hope moment, anyway, we made it and had set up home and got the kettle on within a couple of minutes, I like this camping in a lorry business!
We had the afternoon to sit and enjoy the unexpected appearance of the sun, by this point however the situation had become real, the nerves were starting to kick in and there was a party of butterflies going on inside my tummy, I tried to just kick back and take in the surroundings and indulge in a bit of people watching though.
Soon enough it was time to get ready and head over to the start, at this point we met up with some old timers who were coming down to race, in fact these are the people I hold responsible for talking me into such a crazy thing! So we headed over together, dropped off our change of clothes and got tattooed up. The atmosphere in the race village was fantastic and there were so many people around, all different types of people but all of them clearly up for a laugh and to test their bodies. There were a lot of people dressed up in various fancy dress outfits, probably also running for a charity and despite the churning nerves I started to feel happy to be there and be a part of it.
when it came to starting the race we decided to go fairly early on as we knew we would be slower than most and it would be demoralising to end up last on the course so we headed off in the 2nd wave. The 1st few hundred meters lull you in to a false sense of 'oh, this is ok' and we set off at a happy (downhill) run. Then, straight away you are faced with the 1st hill, it is a never ending up, up, up and it was so hard. I felt my lungs would explode. no matter how deeply I breathed the oxygen would not get into my body, this is one of the problems with being anaemic, the body cannot meet the oxygen demands and I felt this straight away. Once we had made it to the top there was a fairly flat but boggy section and some down hill mud through the trees up until the 1st hurdle which we knew must be the 1km mark. At this point I was in so much pain and felt so ill I really didn't think I could carry on and I said to Laura I wouldn't be able to do the whole thing. She of course told me not to be so stupid and of course I could do it so that was that, we were in it for the long haul!
By the end of the 1st km the mud really had not been too bad and I was beginning to think that people had over dramatised the extent of the mud, I was wrong! OMG! At times it was up to my waist, I never knew there were so many different types of mud. Thick mud, thin mud, sloppy mud, sticky mud. We had to run through it, jump in it, climb out of it and commando crawl through it, it was AWESOME! I actually longed for the sight of each mud pit because I knew that where there was a mud pit, there was not a hill, brilliant lol!
The pain in my lungs continued and my body ached and a new, unidentified pain kicked in but I no longer wanted to quit, I had got into the zone and there was nothing going to stop me from finishing that race. By the time we hit 5km I felt I had got into a flow and had recovered my sense of humour and was starting to enjoy my self. I found the obstacles were a good bit of added fun and were good for counting off the distance as I knew there were 10 of them so each one done brought me closer to the end. When it came to the monkey bars I didn't even bother trying, there was an alternative cargo net next to it so I did that instead and when it came to the wall, it was a no go. This was in the last km and my legs were just jelly by then, but I don't mind, there is no shame in giving it a go and not making it! As for the lakes, they were lovely, we had to swim through 2 lakes and it was a good chance to get cleaned up! I was a little concerned by how warm they were and would rather not think about the reasons for this as it certainly wasn't from the sun!!! The muddy bank was a lot of fun and a lot easier than it looked but the finishing straight was horrific, it was up hill all the way to the finish line, what a depressing sight! Just as I approached the finish line my friend Clare came running up and was shouting encouragement which was lovely, she had clearly finished some time earlier as she was already dressed and clean!
As I finished I caught a glimpse of the timer and was gutted to see it said 3hrs 45 mins, I couldn't believe it had taken that long and felt rubbish about it. What I hadn't realised was that the timer had run through the junior race before us and not been reset to zero. Phew! It turned out or time was 2hrs38, well under the 3 hour goal I had set my self and I later learned we were not last and that the last person was 48mins slower so I was pretty happy with that :)
I can't describe to you how I felt at the end, either physically or emotionally. I was so happy and felt it was a little personal victory, I didn't cry but only because I wasn't physically capable. I had nothing left! Straight after the race the shakes started and I felt very wobbly and sick. In our goody bags we ere provided with Mars bars but of course being coeliac I couldn't eat mine. By the time I made it back to camp I felt to sick to eat. I was frozen so we made a cuppa and got into bed for a while, I couldn't seem to get rid of the shakes but couldn't manage to eat either.
Anyway, despite feeling a bit rough we decided we didn't want to miss the evenings entertainment so we took our drinks and headed over to the race village to enjoy the party and listen to the band. When we were there we met some boys and hung out with them for the evening. I only managed one cider though, I think anymore would have finished me off!
The next morning we had a bbq breakfast, packed up camp and took our aching bodies away home, smiling that we had decided not to do the race on the Sunday too!!!
This experience perhaps doesn't sound much to most people but to me it has affirmed that I do have fight left in me, I do have the strength of character to over come and that I can achieve, all I have to do is put my mind to it.This race took place 2 weeks short of the 1 year anniversary of my broken back and pelvis, I reckon I have done pretty well to be at the point where I could complete this race. Just shows, it is incredible what the body can bounce back from. I feel proud of myself and that is not something I have often felt. I also feel grateful, I may have had a lot thrown at me and the world has tried to finish me off on many occasions but I'm still here! The Sunday was my little girls birthday, I think she would have been proud of her mummy too.
Saturday, 30 June 2012
The day before tomorow...
Sitting here after a long day and a glass too many of wine and quietly pooping myself! I thought I should take this moment to write a post, just in case it turns out to be my last :-o
Tomorrow is Mudrunner, this has seemed like one of those things that would never come around and yet here we are, saying it is tomorrow. Training was going so well until the dreaded lurgy hit a few weeks ago and then almost as soon as I was over that, there I was stuck in bloody hospital again, so here I am packing in my excuses lol! The last few weeks have been a write off training wise and my general well being is a bit below average at the moment. However my will is strong and if there is any possible way I can drag this sorry state of a body around that course then I wil1! I have a feeling the event will be living up to its name and mud will be in plentyful supply. I had been dreaming of a balmy summers evening jaunt through the countryside followed by a few ciders and a bit of a giggle. I have a feeling I was delusional! It is going to be tough, but hey what an achievement and I reckon the old wreck can manage it one way or another lol! Bring it on!!!
Wednesday this week I spent at the hospital, had a whole bunch of scans to get through. the doctors have a few concerns and basically we are looking at whether or not I will need to be back on treatment. Scans are done now and I will discover my immediate fate Friday, nothing I can do now so just got to chill out about it and what will be will be. Scan day was uneventful other than being delayed by the Olympic torch passing through Boston and I managed to squeeze in a lovely lunch with the twins and Nats two beatiful little girls so couldn't really complain about the day. :)
In other news, I went and tried out the spinning class at my gym on Monday... OMG! It was bloody terrible, the guy counted down the last 10 beats of every 16 in monotone, this made me want to hurt him! He then set us off into a full speed ahead sprint on the last track and left us in it for a full 3.5 minutes, without saying a word.... No motivation, no counting, no indication of when the pain may end, just long, drawn out, sprinting. Then once this track was done, it was straight off the bike to stretch, no cool down, no bringing down the heart rate, I nearly bloody fell over my head was spinning so fast!! Terrible class!
Anyway, so if I survive I will blog again.... Hope you all have an easier wk end than me lol!!!
Tomorrow is Mudrunner, this has seemed like one of those things that would never come around and yet here we are, saying it is tomorrow. Training was going so well until the dreaded lurgy hit a few weeks ago and then almost as soon as I was over that, there I was stuck in bloody hospital again, so here I am packing in my excuses lol! The last few weeks have been a write off training wise and my general well being is a bit below average at the moment. However my will is strong and if there is any possible way I can drag this sorry state of a body around that course then I wil1! I have a feeling the event will be living up to its name and mud will be in plentyful supply. I had been dreaming of a balmy summers evening jaunt through the countryside followed by a few ciders and a bit of a giggle. I have a feeling I was delusional! It is going to be tough, but hey what an achievement and I reckon the old wreck can manage it one way or another lol! Bring it on!!!
Wednesday this week I spent at the hospital, had a whole bunch of scans to get through. the doctors have a few concerns and basically we are looking at whether or not I will need to be back on treatment. Scans are done now and I will discover my immediate fate Friday, nothing I can do now so just got to chill out about it and what will be will be. Scan day was uneventful other than being delayed by the Olympic torch passing through Boston and I managed to squeeze in a lovely lunch with the twins and Nats two beatiful little girls so couldn't really complain about the day. :)
In other news, I went and tried out the spinning class at my gym on Monday... OMG! It was bloody terrible, the guy counted down the last 10 beats of every 16 in monotone, this made me want to hurt him! He then set us off into a full speed ahead sprint on the last track and left us in it for a full 3.5 minutes, without saying a word.... No motivation, no counting, no indication of when the pain may end, just long, drawn out, sprinting. Then once this track was done, it was straight off the bike to stretch, no cool down, no bringing down the heart rate, I nearly bloody fell over my head was spinning so fast!! Terrible class!
Anyway, so if I survive I will blog again.... Hope you all have an easier wk end than me lol!!!
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